3 Memoirs

While we wait (and wait and wait) I have been occupying myself by reading all that I can get my hands on about Ethiopia and adoption. Recently I have read three different memoirs that all come from very different perspectives, all involve Ethiopia (or Eritrea), and all had something valuable to teach me.

The first, and my favorite, is called My Father's Daugher: A Story of Family and Belonging by Hannah Pool. Hannah was adopted by a British family after her mother died at birth. Her biological father had several other children to care for and chose to leave her at an orphanage when she was an infant. When she was in her late twenties, she decided to seek out her birth family and made her first return trip to her native country of Eritrea.

Hannah describes well the difficult emotions that she experienced when seeking out her biological family - fear of rejection, fear of hurting her adoptive family, fear of not liking what she learns as a result of her search. Her writing helped me to understand the feelings that an adopted child often experiences at different stages of development. I highly recommend this book to adoptive families.

The second memoir, called Held at a Distance: My Rediscovery of Ethiopia by Rebecca Haile, is written from a very different perspective. Rebecca's family fled Ethiopia during the political upheaval in the 70's when Rebecca was a preteen. They moved to the United States and settled in the Midwest. As an adult Rebecca returns to Ethiopia for the first time, bringing her husband for his first meeting of her extended family. They travel throughout the country and experience aspects of the culture and geography that she knew nothing about as a child. She learns about Ethiopia from the perspective of both an outsider and an insider. I learned a great deal about Ethiopia's history and rich culture from this book.

The third is called Chameleon Days: An American Boyhood in Ethiopa by Tim Bascom. Tim's parents were American missionaries and moved his family to Ethiopia when he was only three-years-old. Tim's observations about the Ethiopian culture and people from a child's perspective are interesting. Perhaps most interesting, though, is Tim's struggle when he was ripped from one culture and thrown into another very different one at a tender age. There are definitely valuable lessons for an adoptive family to learn from this book as well.

I'd love to know about any books that you have read and recommend about Ethiopia or adoption.

P.S. Please pray for our family over the weekend. Court Date #2 will happen Sunday during the night. Hopefully we will hear something on Monday 3/1.

A Few Recommendations

MOVIE

Last weekend Daniel and I watched the movie Live and Become. Have I mentioned before that I LOVE Netflix? :) Wow. The movie follows the story of an 8-year-old Ethiopian boy who is sent alone to the country of Israel during the 1980's. Apparently during that time, thousand of Ethiopian Jews were welcomed into Israel because of the famine in Ethiopia. The story follows the boy as he is adopted by an Israeli family and grows up and tries to figure out who he is in this world. I enthusiastically recommend this for every adoptive family.

BOOK

Over the weekend I read The Strength of Mercy by Jan Beazely. Jan's family began the international adoption agency All God's Children International. The book chronicles their story of adopting a child from Romania in the 90's, the courage it took, and all that they learned along the way. It is a quick read, and I highly recommend it.

WEBSITE

I have recently discovered a gold mine for families adopting from Ethiopia: www.amharickids.com. They offer books for kids and for adults about Ethiopia and about adoption. They even have cookbooks, calendars with photos of Ethiopia, and books fables from Ethiopian culture. I have put about half of what they offer on their website on my Christmas list this year! I love their cool jewelry made from coffee beans by women with AIDS in Ethiopia, too. Check it out!

Satisfy My Thirsty Soul

"In prayer we are occupied with our needs, in thanksgiving we are occupied with our blessings, but in worship we are totally occupied with God Himself." As I read these words, I "heard" God saying, "Wake up, Linda! I want you to be alive to me. I long for you to know how deep my love is for you. And my desire is that your heart will burst with love for only me. "

I had loved God since becoming a Christian at age twenty, but something new began to stir in my heart; it went beyond loving Him. I grew to adore Him. I started to long to be with Him. I began to understand what David meant when he said, "My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you." (Psalm 63:1)

Worship is our love responding to God's love. When we become aware of that love, our responses are worship responses. And the beautiful thing is God comes to us when we worship!

This quote comes from a book that has changed my life and my relationship with my Father in a profound way. Early this summer I was invited to participate in a Facebook-based Bible study, using the book Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow.



At the time I wasn't sure if I should join, but I was not currently actively engaged in a structured study because my usual Bible study had adjourned for the summer. I figured, "Hey, why not. It's better than what I am currently doing," which was struggling to be disciplined just to spend a little time in the Word every day, accountable to no one, and lacking the hunger and thirst for God that I knew that I was missing.

Happy is the one who hears the joyful call to worship, for he will walk in the light of your presence, Lord. (Psalm 89:15)

I have learned first-hand the truth of this Word. We enter the presence of God through worship. And joy awaits when we walk in his presence!

Through her book, Linda Dillow, has helped me to learn what it means and what it looks like to worship God personally: both praising Him on my knees and worshiping Him through the way that I choose to live my life. I worship my Father with the words that I choose to say or to not say. I worship Him in the way that I go about my work each day. I worship God by bowing my will and my pain in submission to His will for my life.

Through this I have come to know my Father better and I look forward to the quiet times that I spend with Him more than ever before. I long to spend time on my knees, the Psalms as my songbook of praise. When I miss my usual time with Him, I MISS it. I miss HIM.

I still have a long way to go, but I have definitely grown a lot.

So all of this is to say: Please read this book. Consider working through it with a Bible study group or just read it on your own. You will be blessed.

If You Are Looking for Something to Read...

...Then let me offer a few suggestions. I have read several books lately that have touched me and changed me. If you are interested in learning more about orphans or Africa, then all three of these are must reads.




Tom Davis does an amazing job in his first work of fiction telling the story of a young girl living in an AIDS ravaged village in Swaziland. I love to read well-written fiction-with-a-purpose: books where I can learn something important, grow and be changed, and really enjoy the story in the meantime. This book definitely falls into that category. I wholeheartedly recommend it.



Any family considering adopting a child from Ethiopia absolutely must read this book. Melissa Fay Greene tells the true story of Haregewoin, a dear lady who opens her home and heart to care for two, then ten, then dozens, and eventually hundreds of orphaned and abandoned children in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Greene uses her gifts (her writing is beautiful) to share much information about Ethiopia - history, culture, the AIDS problem. I learned so much reading this book, and I plan to read it a second time. As soon as I make it through the stack of books waiting on my bedside table...



This one is an autobiograpy written by R.B. Mitchell. Mitchell was abandoned by his mentally-ill mother at the age of three and grew up in an orphanage in Illinois. He shares candidly about his anger, bitterness, and loneliness. But it is ultimately a story of hope and healing. Mitchell comes to Christ and works through the pain of his past.

Here are the books again:
Scared by Tom Davis
There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene
Castaway Kid by R.B. Mitchell

I would love to know what books have most affected you. Any recommendations?

I Heart Netflix

...because we have access to movies that we could never get at Blockbuster. In the past few months we have watched several wonderful documentaries about Africa that opened our eyes to the rich history and beautiful lands of the continent, as well as the terrible struggles and suffering that they have endured.

I am hungry to learn all that I can about Africa these days. In sixteen years of private education, I never studied anything about the history or culture of Africa. We studied about the Americas, Europe, Asia, Australia... but never Africa. Why is Africa so neglected? I have so much to learn.

Here are a few documentaries that I highly recommend:

War Dance - about three children who live in a refugee camp in northern Uganda.

National Geographic: Africa - 4 DVDS with 8 episodes, each beautifully highlighting the culture and history of a country in Africa. One is about Ethiopia! We LOVED this!

The Empire in Africa - tells the story of the horrible civil war in Sierra Leone in the 1990's. It is very graphic.

God Grew Tired of Us - about the experience of three "Lost Boys of Sudan" who move from a refugee camp to America.

You just can't get movies like these at your local video store!

Does anyone have any additional movies or books to recommend?

Safe or Brave?

Today I’m asking myself: what is my ultimate goal for my life? Do I want to live in comfort, secure and successful in the eyes of the world? Or do I want to be brave, choosing to lose all of those things in order to truly follow the words of Jesus?

“Those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.”

- Luke 9:24

I am reading Gary Haugen’s book, Just Courage, and he is speaking to my heart of hearts. Gary is the founder of the International Justice Mission (IJM), a non-profit group of Christian lawyers who have chosen to forsake the comfort and security of their profession to use their skills to fight for the freedom of modern-day slaves and child sex workers.

In the last chapter of his book, he says:

Sometimes we have to decide: Are we going to love, or are we going to look smart? Because loving the needy doesn’t look smart. And, sadly, in much of our culture this is one of our deepest fears: looking like a fool, naïve, unsophisticated, a little too earnest, a loser.

The fact is, when people choose to be brave instead of smart, their courage is generally so threatening to those who are smart rather than brave that they end up being maligned, not congratulated. That is what the Bible says we can expect.

The will of God is scary because he is asking us to choose between a life that looks successful and a life that is actually significant, between a life that wins the applause of our peers and a life that actually transforms lives through love.

I am all too aware that adopting an African child is not a smart or safe idea in the eyes of many who surround me. There are all kinds of risks: we are going to gather lots of stares; our family will never just “fit in” anymore; we may not be welcome in some places anymore; we don’t know what physical or emotional problems he might be faced with and how that will affect our family; we don’t know if he will reject us someday. And if this all doesn’t work out neatly and tidily, we risk being embarrassed. There were plenty that warned us of all the risks…and now look at what we’ve gone and done to our family.

But I have to ask the question: When I get to the end of my life, what will I wish that I had done? I have two choices.

1 - To take the safer route that will allow us to blend in and maintain the acceptance of our peers.

2 - To be brave and follow with all our hearts what we understand to be the call of Jesus: to minister to the needy, the broken, the orphan.

I can’t bear the thought of reaching 60 years of age, and looking back on my life and thinking, “What if we had done what we were afraid to do? What we felt like God was calling us to do, but we were just a little to nervous about it?” Oh, Lord, may it never be so! We MUST pursue this adoption. I know that if we do it, we will never be the same. And also if we do not do it, we will never be the same. Either way we will be changed, and I am seeking the changes that will come from obedience, not fear.

So there you go. Choosing to be brave means choosing to not be safe. I admit that I am afraid. I have a list of fears. But I don’t let them control me. I am clinging to the promises of Jesus. I want to live a life of faith, adventure, and a deeper knowledge of Him.

Awakening

There’s a reason I haven’t been blogging much lately. Thoughts and feelings surrounding our adoption have been all that I’ve had on my mind. Now that we’ve “gone public” with the adoption, I have a lot of catching up to do.

I just finished an excellent book by Josh and Amy Bottomly called From Ashes to Africa. Josh and Amy struggled with infertility and eventually their faith. But God led them to adopt from Ethiopia and it changed their lives in a remarkable and way.




I so resonate with the Bottomly family’s description of the awakening they experienced as they entered the adoption process. They began to read and watch movies, learning about Africa, about poverty, about AIDS. They were initially motivated by a responsibility to learn about the country that their child would be born in. But they more they learned, the more they were moved, and the more they hungered to learn more.

They realized that this place called Africa wasn't just a mythical place full of lions and zebras. Africa is real. And It is hurting. It is filled with more suffering than we can fathom. So much that we have a tendency to just shut down when we hear about it. The statistics are mind-numbing and incomprehensible. Today there are 143 million orphans in our world. The child that will soon live in my home will daily tell me and others the story of this tragedy. The story of the mothers, forced to abandon children that they love dearly because of unspeakable poverty. The story of fathers who died without seeing their children grow and blossom because of the horrors of AIDS. The story of parents whose lives could have been saved by drugs that we Americans like to hoard so that we can get richer, pretending that none of these stories of suffering and dying are happening. Meanwhile we spend our energy debating what movie we will see on Friday night and what restaurant we will spend $50 at to eat food that our bodies don’t even need.

Josh writes about how he felt when he first saw the movie Hotel Rwanda:

The movie tells the story of one man’s courage in the face of the Rwandan genocides, where members of the Hutu tribe killed over 800,000 from their rival tribe, the Tutsi tribe. After the movie ended, I felt disemboweled and sat in stunned silence with Amy for a long time. The Rwandan genocides had occurred when we were seniors in high school, and yet no one had ever brought it up. Neither Amy nor I could recall one prayer request for the Rwandan peoples, let alone a prayer vigil at our churches or schools. Instead, we attended Bible class each day, and after the daily devotion, we prayed for Aunt Maud’s sore toe, along with the smattering of “unspoken” prayer requests. All the while, nearly a million innocent men, women, and children were being butchered to death by Hutu machetes.

Just how ignorant I was began to hit me, and specifically, how insular my life had been up to this point. I also began to realize that for Amy and me, God was not only moving us toward each other and into each others hearts, but he was moving us outward into a bigger world, a world ravished by stupid poverty.

All the problems just seem so huge. So unbelievably and terribly overwhelming. What in the world am I supposed to do about 143 million orphans? About all the suffering because of poverty, famine, AIDS? I’ll tell you what I’m not going to do – nothing. I choose to not be overwhelmed and guilty. I am doing something. I choose to give life, love, and hope to one child, and it gives me just that – life, love, and hope. Life, love, and hope. That’s what I want my legacy to be.

A friend recently warned me – adoption is risky – what if our child wants to return to his own country someday? My reaction? Praise God! That is my heartfelt prayer! What joy it would give me if our son returns to Ethiopia someday to minister to his own people and help to be a part of the solution. Oh Lord, help us to raise him so that will be the desire of his heart. Thank you, Lord, for the awakening that is taking place in our hearts.