Monday, December 7, 2009

My Heart is Hurting

The anticipated time for our referral is getting closer, and I am grieving. My heart feels heavy. I know that the referral of a child to us means that a tragedy has taken place. Parents have died. Or a mother feels hopeless about her son's future, powerless to provide for him, and abandons him to an orphanage. Or she becomes terribly ill and can no longer care for him..... That is what's going on on the other side of the world as we excitedly wait for our referral phone call to come.

Things like that are happening all the time in this world, I know. But this time it will be happening to our son. And to the precious woman that I will probably never have the honor to meet, his birthmother.

This is on my mind all of the time: the heartbreak, the poverty, the disease that are the reality of my son's life. My heart is breaking because my boy is losing his first mama right about now. And she is losing him. As the time for our referral is drawing near, tragedy is striking.

I often wonder - are we doing the right thing? What if we just sent the thousands that we have raised for the adoption to help families in Ethiopia instead of spending it all on the adoption of one? How many families might be able to stay together because of the medical care they could receive, the improved nutrition, the opportunity to make a living for their children? All that money would go so far to help so many.

I don't know... But I do know that there are many, many who have already been orphaned or abandoned and need a mommy and daddy. I know that we are called as followers of Christ to "look after orphans in their distress." I know that God has led us down the path that we are walking. I also know that the path doesn't end here, with the adoption of one child. God is teaching us so much through this experience. He is opening our eyes to suffering in the world that we had never before taken the time to learn about. Now it is personal. This is just the beginning of our family's involvement with the people of Ethiopia.

I think the answer is: Do both.

I am thankful for all that God is teaching us on this journey. But oh, my heart hurts for my baby.


The Young Family said...

beautiful post! I think "do both" would be a great tshirt;)

Courtney said...

love that - "do both" shirt idea! it's what it's all about. i don't think i realized it as much at the beginning...but the furthur we get in the process...the more it hurts.

Graham said...

Thanks for your openness in this post. I have struggled with some of those sames feelings and questions. I'm thankful God has the answers and is leading us to our children.
Adoption seems to be bittersweet. Praying for you and your son as your referral gets closer.

David and Amy said...

We've been experiencing these same hurts. I'm so glad you posted on this as your referral approaches. I have to admit, the celebratory photos of people holding up the # they are on the waiting list (and then re-posting as they move up the list) can be a little disturbing to me sometimes. I think it's important to remember that while we (adoptive families) are joyfully welcoming a child into our home, there is also a terrible injustice and sadness occurring in another family. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think you're spot on!

RACHEL said...

Praying for you & your precious one to come!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I was just thinking about this the other day! So sad for those birth mothers, but so happy for you. Thanks for sharing

E.T.'s Mom said...

Beautiful and heartbreaking - your heart is beautiful and the tragedy is heartbreaking.

The Sweet Life said...

Absolutely priceless! Love the support from your amazing family! The two of you are truly amazing and such a blessing! Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

We are just starting the adoption process as well and I identify so much with this post. It breaks my heart that my child will never know his birth mother.